The Things I Do to Avoid Writing My Book…A-Z

A…Arrange clothes in my closet by season. Lately it doesn’t matter the season so much. It either accommodates my burgeoning belly, or it doesn’t.

B…Blog. Well sadly I haven’t even been doing this lately.

C…Color in my “Adult” coloring book because scribbling in my four year old’s Scooby Doo coloring book seems a little immature.  I have yet to complete an entire picture. Kind of like I have yet to complete my book.

D…Dream. Write down all the crazy dreams that are induced by the hormones of my pregnant self. None of these have yet to actualize themselves into a book.

E…Eavesdrop on conversations in the coffee shop hoping for some kernel of inspiration for my book.

F…Find people on Facebook who I haven’t spoken to in twenty years, and never plan on speaking to again, because maybe, just maybe they will have something juicy going on that could be material for my book.

G…Go.To.Sleep. I’m pregnant. What else can I say.

H…Hope beyond all hope that inspiration will strike any moment. The book still hasn’t written itself.

I…Invite myself anywhere or to any event that doesn’t have to do with writing. Swim Party? I’m in. Book festival? I’m there. Carwash? When is my turn? Some might call this avoidance.

J…Write JUST a few words so I can say, “Oh yes, I’m still writing. It’s slow going, but every word counts.”

K…Keep my cell phone within hands-reach. When I’m not sleeping it makes a good distraction from writing my book.

L…Lesson plans. It’s lame. I know. It is a form of writing.

M…Morning sickness. It should be called all-day sickness. When I haven’t been sleeping the past three and a half months, I’ve been wishing I was asleep so the nausea would stop. Thankfully this is much better. Still haven’t written my book.

N…Names. There is only one baby name actually written on my list, and any day I am expecting the call confirming my suspicions of the sex of the baby so I can inform my husband of our next born’s name. Until then browsing lists of names is time consuming. The husband has already told me the one.name.on.my.list is too old. Considering that it took until two days after our son for us to agree on a name, this child may be two before we have a name.

O…Oversleeping. When I should be up exercising, I’m sleeping in. I’m pregnant and tired. Too tired to even write.

P…Planning a baby moon. This trip will double as location research for my book. We were supposed to take the trip this summer. But I’m pregnant. And nauseous. And not writing my book. The fall will be perfect timing.

Q…Questioning why I ever thought I could write a book?

R…Reading To Kill a Mockingbird. Very slowly. I’m rereading after an embarrassing number of years, and it is so good. I’m savoring every word and I don’t want it to end. Lee’s talent is something to be admired, and it also makes a good distraction from writing.

S…Shopping for groceries mostly. If I’m not shopping, I’m sending the husband to the store.

T…Turkey and cheese sandwiches. This is all I have really craved and it takes a concentration to get the right proportion of turkey slices and Lacy Swiss cheese between two fresh slices of white bread. See above.

U…Underestimating my talents. Failing to plan. Planning to fail.

V…Validating other people’s writing. If I’m reading your writing, I don’t have to write my own. Don’t mistake me. There is much to learn from my writing peers, but sometimes I need to sit down with my own paper and pen.

W…Wishing I would just sit down and write the book. I’m 150 pages in and most days I feel like trashing the entire project. Recently I’ve gone back to outlining. Well, thinking about outlining. Researching outlines. Reading Outlining Your Novel; Map your way to success by K.M. Weiland.

X…I’ve got nothing. Who’s idea was this blog post anyway?

Z…zzzz. Time to catch some zzz’s. Maybe that book will write itself tomorrow?

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